The ideal marriage for Paul is two people who get married and stay that way until “Death do they part.” Paul views marriage as most Jews in the first century did. Based on Genesis 2:18-24 or Ecclesiastes 9:9-10, people who marry should enjoy life with their spouse. This is what Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount, although the Law provides for divorce in cases of unfaithfulness. But what happens if a believer is married to an unbeliever? Can the believer divorce the unbeliever, so they are not “unequally yoked”?
As I have stated before, this passage is not a comprehensive theology of divorce, and there are many situations in a modern marriage that may end in divorce not anticipated in the teaching of Jesus or Paul. If a woman is being abused by her husband, she should get out of the relationship as soon as possible and protect herself and her children. There are more ways for a spouse to break their marriage vows than simply adultery.
What is remarkable is that Paul extends the command to both the husband and the wife. The divorce law in Deuteronomy 24 allows only a husband to divorce; Paul suggests that a woman could divorce a husband. In addition, the grounds for the divorce in 1 Corinthians 7 are expanded to include abandonment. If an unbelieving spouse abandons a believer, the believer can “let them go.” So Paul is opening up the possibility for a divorce beyond marital unfaithfulness. Think about this: does Paul contradict Jesus in 1 Corinthians 7?
Roman law allowed people to divorce for any reason. Divorce was permitted for infertility or infidelity, but more common among wealthy. “The Romans had one of the most liberal regimes of divorce in human history; legally, divorce could be obtained unilaterally, without cause, by either party, without cumbersome procedural obstacles; the strict separation of spousal property, and the prohibition of gifts between the husband and the wife, abetted easy separation” (Kyle Harper, From Shame to Sin, 163).
For most people, there was no official marriage with a marriage contract. Since there was no legal contract binding the two, a couple could split and simply start living somewhere else. The situation was more complicated for slaves since a master could transfer one partner to another part of his estate or even sell the partner. This makes direct application to modern (Western, American) marriage and divorce questions difficult because a marriage is as much a legal partnership as a romantic one.
What about people married to unbelievers (7:12-16)? In this section, Paul deals with what was likely a common problem for the first generation of Christians. Some women may have converted to Christianity, but their husbands did not. In the Roman world, a wife would convert to her husband’s gods when she married. This would not be a problem in most cases since she would adopt the family gods of her new family.
“A wife’s conversion to Christianity undoubtedly would have created strife, if only as a slap at her husband’s authority over her…. a wife’s refusal to accept Christianity after her husband’s conversion also would have made things quite awkward since the Christian faith was highly intolerant of other religious beliefs and practices” (Garland, 1 Corinthians, 284).
The reason wives are addresses is a husband who converted to Christianity would simply force the whole family to “convert” to the new faith. A pagan wife might simply see worship of this “new God” as her natural duty, whether she really believed or not.
It is likely some in the Corinthian church were using their new relationship with Christ as a “ground for divorce.” After all, Paul has taught the church they need to separate from the world and to not be with immoral people. If a Christian woman took that seriously, she might have sought to divorce her idolatrous husband, who was most likely participating in all the immoral things most Roman men would.
I will treat verse 14 in another post, but for now it is important to hear what Paul has said (and what he has not said). Paul does not declare all divorce sinful, and anyone who divorces their spouse is damned to hell. He recognizes that marriages do end for good (and bad) reasons. People who find themselves in a marriage that breaks up need the support of their family, in this context, their brothers and sisters in Christ.
Being married to someone who is outside your faith has been a big topic since the early books of the Old Testament. Esau, son of Isaac, is a common example of this. He married a Hittite woman, someone outside the faith. Solomon married many women who were not from Israelite lineage. King Ahab made a grave mistake marrying Jezebel (if you know you know). The list goes on. I have christian friends of mine who have also married people who are not of the faith, it is something that still occurs today as well. How do we deal with that kind of situation?
Paul lays out the ground work.
Paul even starts out by saying that this message of marriage and divorce is not coming from his own thinking, but it is completely inspired by God (1 Cor 7:12). He shares that if you get married, you stay married till one of you passes away (1 Cor 7:39). And if one of you does pass away, he recommends that you stay single till you eventually pass (1 Cor 7:40). In specific regards to being married to an unbeliever, he address that situation first by declaring that if the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay and be with their believing spouse, then the believing spouse should NOT divorce (1 Cor 7:13). Why? Because in verse 14, Paul share that the unbelieving spouse alongside the children will be made holy by the spouse who believes. If, in the case that the unbelieving spouse decides to leave or neglect his or her’s spouse, then the believing spouse has the right to divorce (1 Cor 7:15).
In the end, whether the unbelieving spouse will come to know the Lord is something not known to us but only to God. We can be reassured to know that because Paul encourages it, there is a chance that they will come to know the Lord.
I think it is a pretty tough situation to be in when you are a believer and your partner is not. It can get pretty rocky especially when it comes to things like raising kids with certain morals/values. This is why I think we are called to be equally yoked. Still, I know there are many situations where a person may come to the faith after marriage. I think in these situations you just have to keep loving your partner well. Maybe the way you love them like Christ will lead them to know Jesus as well. I think if kids are present it is definitely important to have that conversation of how you will raise your kids. I think if it were me, I would say that the kids and I will be going to church, you don’t have to come, but we would love you to join us. That leaves it open for them to join without being guilt tripped into feeling like they have to come. As much as it depends on the believer in the relationship, they should stay, and try to keep the relationship together. However, the non believing partner may decide to leave and if that is the case then you should not force them to stay. Forcing a partner to stay may just lead to more hate and resentment and no one is coming to Jesus that way anyway, so it is almost a lost cause at that point. I do however wonder if a non believing partner leaves their Christ following partner if there is an opportunity for reconciliation if they ever do come to know Christ. I think God can do amazing things, so I do believe that is a possibility.