I got this idea from John Scalzi, a SF writer who has been writing a blog since before there was such a thing. I read his collection of essays/blogs on a plane this summer (The Mallet of Loving Correction) in which he had a list of “25 Geeks NOT to Follow on Twitter” (@BathingInMayo, for example).
Scalzi’s idea was really a modern version “The Mad Library of Extremely Thin Books” from Mad Magazine. These were books which would be more or less blank inside, something like “Defusing Racial Tension by Donald Trump” or “Essentials of Calvinism by Joel Osteen.”
These are all fake twitter accounts (I hope) in the same tradition as Mad or Scalzi. I worked on this list over the last few months, but finished most of it up at AAR/SBL and thought it would make a reasonable “end of the year” list for Jim West to mock.
First, a comment on who you should follow on twitter. I would start with @BibleStudentSays, a few dead theologians, your favorite publishers and bloggers, especially @plong42. I am also a big fan of @ChrchCurmudgeon, and @BitterBlueBetty. If you mix your feed just right, twitter can be a useful tool for staying aware of new publications, great deals, or other issues getting their 15 minutes of fame. I recommend using TweetDeck in your browser of choice, or FlipBoard on a mobile device.
Here is the list of (fake) twitter accounts you should not follow:
@Rubio’sApocalypse. Seven signs of the end times from your favorite candidate.
@JenniferGuoFreeBookOfTheDay. Somehow she narrows down to only one…
@PostModernCalvin. Quotes from John Calvin re-mixed and mashed up with Brian McClaren and Rob Bell. They all end with, “well…um…yeah.”
@SarahPalin’sBible. All the verses that prove Jesus carried a Luger.
@JimWest’sEncourgingWords. Jim tweets highlights from his devotional reading in Joel Osteen.
@BestTVReligiousMovies. Mostly inactive.
@BadBibleTatoos. Pictures of people who copied Hebrew from a webpage for the “Jesus tattoo.”
@HamOnNye. The very best of Ken Ham’s extensive cooking library.
@BultmannInKlingon. Translations of Bultmann quotes translated to Klingon for the existential trekkie.
@BonoKnows. Either then theological musings of U2 frontman Bono, or Sonny Bono’s wit and wisdom. Either way, steer clear.
@DTSSays. Stuff written on the bathroom walls at Dallas Theological Seminary.
@JamesAndLily. James McGrath’s Harry Potter fanfic, with occasional Doctor Who crossovers.
@BaptistsForSanders. Also inactive.
@MartinLutherTrek. Theology from the great reformer as if it was spoken by James Kirk. “Here. I. Stand.”
@WWJE. What Jesus would eat, for the serious biblical dieter.
@Craig’sCommentaryList. Status updates for Craig Keener’s commentary projects. “Finished page 4539 today…”
@StuffJoelFound. Pictures of things Joel Watts found in his couch or under his car seats.
@BuddhistJohnPiper. The sayings of from John Piper that sound vaguely Buddhist to people who know very little about Buddhism.
@TebowFett. Tim Tebow tweets inspiring thoughts while watching Star Wars.
@BethMooreBibleStudiesForMen. Seriously frightening.
@SBLCreepShots. Hidden camera pics from AAR/SBL of biblical scholars in compromising situations, like browsing a book in the Answers in Genesis booth.
@DispensationalistNicholasCage. Updates on Nicholas Cage as he rightly divides the next Left Behind movie.
@ManbunsForJesus. Seminary students sporting Man Buns and tweedy sweaters.
What other biblical or theological twitter accounts should we avoid in the coming year? Add your suggestions in the comments…
I haven’t heard of any of these. i didn’t even know i was getting a parody. yay!
Reblogged this on Zwinglius Redivivus and commented:
Who knew….
This list reminds me of the seminary prof who tells young eager students what books not to read so they won’t get confused theologically. After reading this I will spend most of Boxing Day checking them out! 🙂 Thanks!
Reblogged this on Talmidimblogging.
LOL. Now I’m warned.
Reblogged this on and commented:
It’s not every day that biblical scholars are hilarious…this needs wide dissemination!
Well, I think I have to share this at the risk of being ridiculed. I woke up this morning, took my iPad in order to read new posts from bloggers, and the first post I found was this one. Few days ago I added Jennifer Guo to my list of followed blogs and then I saw her name on the list of twitters accounts to be avoided. It was the only name that was familiar to me from that list. Then I thought it would be a great idea to aware her that a bloody-minded and slanderer blogger was trying to destroy her reputation as a respectable blogger. And I actually did, of course without knowing it was a joke. Now I can’t stop laughing every time I think about it. I am sorry Dr. Phillip J. Long because I thought you are able to commit such a horrible sin of defamation.
Sorry to fool you! I thought it was clearly parody. I did not mean to offend or defame anyone. I will try to be more serious in the future…!
Noooo please. We need more humor here. It was my fault. I have been blogging for 7 months and don’t know people enough to make such assumptions. Like I said, I can’t stop laughing every time I think about it. Next time I will try to see the humor behind the comments. By the way, thank you for the work you do through your blog. It is inspiring for new bloggers like me. Blessings and happy new year.